A Tea Party Ballad

“Love me, I’m a Fascist”

A Tea-Party Ballad

by Caleb T. Maupin

(A revival of Phil Och's Classic "Love Me, I'm A Liberal")



I smoked lots of dope back in High School

I was really sticking it to the man

I spent thousands of dollars on CDs

From corporatized fake medal bands

But I’m not just some whiney kid liberal

Cause I believe in “supply and demand”



So, Love me, Love me, Love me, I’m a Fascist



The war in Iraq was so stupid

That’s why I voted Ron Paul

I think we should kick out the immigrants

Then build us a huge goddamn wall

Our Country used to be great

But you tolerant fools made it fall



So, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist



I’m convinced there’s some secret conspiracy

To keep me from being a star

FOX news used to be propaganda

Almost as bad as NPR

But, Glenn Beck is a savior from heaven

Obama, please don’t take my car!



So, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist



I get free bus rides to these protests

And expensive, free meals on the way

It’s the super rich people who suffer

Not the poor, or the Black, or the Gay

I’m convinced that I’m some radical person

For helping fatcats get their way



So Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist



I’m really into Philosophy

That’s why I read so much Ayn Rand

I’ve never heard of Althusser or Sartre

They never have any shows C-Span

I make snarky crude comments on youtube

And expose evil socialist plans



So Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist



I think there’s some magic conspiracy

The symbols are on dollar bills

When I hear the soundtrack from “The Matrix”

I think of 9-11 and get chills

I hate anyone other than myself

They might take away my “free will”



So Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist



Oh, once, just like you I was brainwashed

I thought the New Deal was good

And I liked Karl Marx’s ideas

Yes they couldn’t work, but they should

But now I think I’m Thomas Jefferson

And I wear a brown shirt or a hood



So Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I’m a Fascist