Top 10 U.S. Picks to Replace Mubarak

By Paul Wilcox
Published Feb 10, 2011 10:56 PM

People the U.S. government has considered to replace Mubarak as the new president of Egypt:

1. The former Shah of Iran, a loyal Pentagon servant and torturer. Only problem: He’s dead.

2. Benito Mussolini, except he was killed and hung upside down by Italian partisans in 1945.

3. Gumby, very pliable, but not much of a leader.

4. Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve chair. He bailed out banks here; maybe he could bail us out in Egypt.

5. George W. Bush. He’d be great, but no one thinks he’s Egyptian.

6. The Shah of Iran — dammit, he’s still dead.

7. King Louis XVI of France, except he was guillotined way back in 1793.

8. Anyone with the words “torture,” “billionaire” and “CIA” in their resumé.

9. King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Mubarak flies there; Abdullah goes to Egypt. What’s not to like?

10. Are you sure the Shah of Iran is really dead? He’d be perfect.

E-mail: pwilcox@workers.org