By Staff Writer Caleb T. Maupin
From the Latest Issue of Maelstrom Magazine
Jonah Goldberg hit the nail on the head. Liberals are fascists. He made a book with a cool picture on the cover, convincing us that y‟all were wrong when you thought fascism was right-wing. Goldberg lets us know that fascism is really a liberal idea.
His basis for this? A number of well thought out, logical points. For example, Hitler was a vegetarian. So are a lot of liberals.
It gets better. He argues that because in Nazi Germany there were bullhorns shouting orders and state propaganda at people all the time, that Hillary Clinton is a fascist, because in her book It Takes A Village she advocates television programs that give parenting advice being shown in public places.
Thank goodness we have great intellectuals like Jonah Goldberg. You see, people seem to have forgotten that Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini were really into tolerance and equality. Hitler loved people with different religions, sexual orientations, and races so much he gassed 14 million of them. That‟s what liberal tolerance is all about.
Adolph and Benito were really big on worker‟s rights as well. That‟s why they made trade unions illegal, and killed all of their lead-ers.
Oh, and just in case you wondered, Communism and fascism are the same thing, Mr. Goldberg reminds us. Sure the first group Hitler banned was the Communist Party, and he had millions of communists shot and executed. General historical rule: usually when one group totally wipes out another group and promises to wipe another group off the face of the earth, they are exactly the same.
Oh, and Goldberg also argues that be-cause leftists oppose Zionism and Hitler was anti-Semitic, they are the same. Yes, I‟m sure Hitler‟s disagreement with Judaism was based on compassion for brown-skinned Palestinians being persecuted in Israel, a country which wasn‟t created until after he died.
You see, Mr. Goldberg is doing what more people should be doing: convincing conservatives that what they already think is right. Were you a bit confused when your political science professor told you that Hitler was a staunch nationalist, militarist, sexist, homophobe, and racist, you know, kind of like Rush Limbaugh x1000? Don‟t worry, Jonah Goldberg will solve your confusion by reminding you that Fascism/Nazism, like all things that are bad, is the spawn of leftism, liberalism, tolerance, and compassion.
REPRINTED WITH THE PERMISSION OF THE MAELSTROM STAFF